How did we get here?  This question continues to play over and over in my mind and with the replay, I can’t help but question the timing of it all.  Why is this all happening at once and is it possible for us to become better because of it? With so many messages being broadcasted and with so many voices fighting to be heard, I struggle to find my place and my purpose.  Internally, I am challenged to gain my own understanding of where I stand with it all, no matter how convoluted it all feels.  So, with my lack of clarity, my need to bridge the gaps that exist between all that our world is experiencing right now is where I will do my best to begin.   

Over the last four years, I have spent a lot of my time dedicating my heart to shifting my perspective, doing my best to wake up each morning with a sense of gratitude for my experiences.  As the pandemic continues to have an impact on the economy, on families, loved ones and our future; changing the way that we all live our everyday lives, my heart struggles to live purposefully and with the mindset that I have worked so hard to acquire.  Telling myself to live in the moment and to experience life with an open heart feels contradictory to the facial covering that I feel is so imperative to wear.  It’s hard, but I do so in hopes of doing my part to keep my neighbors healthy and safe, regardless of the misconceptions and the varying opinions that are out there.  In many ways, I am communicating love but I am also communicating that I am in fact, living in fear.  And while I know that it is my choice and it isn’t something that I am being forced to do, the reality of it makes my mission of living for the moment that much more difficult.  

But here is the thing; this isn’t about me…  

For so many, wearing a mask has been a way of life for countless generations, especially for people of color.  Hiding their inner turmoil, staying quiet for fear of retaliation when it comes to sharing opinions and ideas, being the only black person in the room, getting passed over for promotions… this has been their reality for so long and in a way, wearing a mask has been their ONLY CHOICE.  Living in fear and sacrificing who they are as a means of survival, due to the prevalence of racism has been a way of life and I personally, have been so naïve. Racism is a pandemic. 

Growing up, I can recall having conversations with little depth that vaguely addressed both sides.  Racism and racial inequality were topics briefly covered in history class and around Martin Luther King, Jr Day.  However, in my life, they were never conversations that took place around the dinner table (at least that I can recall) and in a large way, I wish they had been.  The topic was not given the attention that it deserved, and I want something different for my kids.  As a parent, and somewhat of a helicopter mom, my first instinct is to protect them from all that is happening.  But with so much pain and disparity happening in our world, I feel like I can’t miss the boat and feel as though it is my job as their parent to help them form their own perspectives through conversation, questions and listening. 

In hopes of educating myself so that I can be a resource for my children, I have been doing my best to devote time to listening to those that have been impacted by racism.  Through podcasts and social media campaigns, I have been exposed to ideals that have opened my eyes to the fear and inequality that continues to exist amongst the black community. It’s heartbreaking, unbelievable and as the struggles become more transparent, I am fueled by the campaigns that work to bring our communities together.  For instance, let’s talk about the concept of raising our children to be color-blind.  It has a nice ring to it, but is this really what we want our children to relate to?  Color-blind means seeing little-to-no difference and lacking the recognition of what makes us each unique and representative of any given culture.  I can see the sentiment behind wanting to raise our children to appreciate others for who they are as a person versus the color of their skin but when you discount race, you discount a substantial piece of one’s culture.  Culture is beautiful and culture is something to be celebrated, not discounted.  It has to be a positive part of the equation. 

Today, while I feel as though I have never considered myself to be one that sees color before content, I am realizing how much I really don’t know, and it truly scares me.  Again, here I am living in fear but in no way does my fear compare to the fear that currently exists among members of the black community.  As murders are taking place and protests (some peaceful), and riots are breaking out in response to the hurt that people that look like me have imposed on the black community, I am saddened and consumed by guilt that I haven’t devoted the time to understanding what it means to be black in America.  But, with my sadness, I am also grateful for the awakening that is fear.  I am grateful to have the resources at my disposal to educate myself and assist me as I begin to gain my own perspective. 

As I was listening to one of my podcasts, I was amazed by a comment by Luvvie Ajayi Jones in which she quoted Deb Brown. She referred to this time in our history as a “divine time-out.”  This struck a chord with me and while I am grateful for the pause and for the perspectives, I am hopeful that conversations such as these can continue to happen well into the future. 

Of course, to those that are reading this, whom are a member of the black community, I am putting myself out there, fully planning to at one point say something wrong.  But here is the thing, my heart is looking to take on the student role. I am here to learn, and I am here to listen and if my writings miss the mark, educate me and correct me.  I am here for the feedback and I am here for you.  And, to those that look like me, join me in asking questions and doing the research!  Google is a thing! 

As we continue to face the challenges that come with a pandemic and the realities and hardships that are a result of racism, I have to seek to understand and do my best to bridge the gap.  I can only come to one conclusion…

Through a pandemic and through racism, we must do what we can to take care of thy neighbor. 

So, as I head out into the community and place my mask over my face, I am reminded first and foremost of all that have been required to wear a mask every day and continue to do so out of fear.  Whether you wear a mask for fear of getting a loved one sick or whether you wear a mask for fear of being judged for your skin color, I am here for you and I am hopeful that one day, you can escape the fear that is your reality.  This isn’t about me.  It’s about you and I stand committed to showing up and doing the work…for you!  

Resources to check out: 

@sharethemicnow social media campaign

Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man by Emmanuel Acho